i have felt so much loneliness this year. consumed in a thought that no one understands. constantly asking the Lord for a best friend… the Lord did answer my prayers long ago… through my dad, my boyfriend and most of all himself. my bestfriends.
rest or do? how much does my God require of each? he requires for most my obedience to his will, to his word, to his instruction and direction - to a relationship with him. that sums up both doing. but also resting, or in other words being. (but i can be and do at the same time right?)
i can not do without first receiving. but i receive as i do as well… so equal both… or just enough of each to have a balanced life… oh thought thought thoughts, rambling thoughts. gah, it has been too long since i have written
missing becomes so much more when he is overseas. in another land. I try to zoom in to where you are on google maps but that just makes me feel even futher away. I zoom in to your photos, to the hairs on your wrist, I can see you’re burnt, I can see your hot from the slight shine of sweat. I zoom into another, your smile, your teeth, your squinty eyes; that’s your reaction to all the surroundings - how amazing. i fall in love with you all over again. in the most enormous way. but a photo will only get me so far to you, to all your experiences, i can never fully understand what you see unless I live it with you - then too - we will have different perceptions and feelings and reactions. but still better than a photo. i cannot feel the hot air you feel, the heaviness of your heart, the soreness of your feet, the adventure running through your body. i can only feel longing, longing to be where you are.
"And it has been
of a year.
I have worn
under my sleeves,
on my thighs,
running down my cheeks.
This is what
looks like, my dear."
"I have met with women whom I really think would like to be married to a Poem and to be given away by a Novel."
John Keats (via quotes-shape-us)
EMAIL ME PEOPLE.
"Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely."
"Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It’s about knowing and accepting who you are."
Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously… I’m Kidding (via quotes-shape-us)
Elizabeth Taylor feeding the pigeons in Trafalgar Square in 1948 in London, England (via)
"We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."
Lewis (via altiusaltius)
i am a free spirit wrestling with guilt, trapped in self loathing.